8 Ways To Take Back Your Marriage

.Plan 'connection rituals' every day that are repeated, co-ordinated and take on significance – it could be eating breakfast out together once a week, having a Tuesday night dip in the spa (just the two of you), or even just doing chores together every Saturday morning. Make a point of saying goodbye in the morning and of greeting each other on your return. Set aside 15 minutes of quiet, private time each evening just to talk. Go to bed at the same time, even if one of you is a night owl.

2.Make a big thing of wedding anniversaries as a ritual that expresses wonder and gratitude for the duration of your marriage.

3.Don't forget Valentine's Day and birthdays Find out how these occasions were celebrated in your spouse's family and adapt them to your own individual rituals.

4.Reclaim time together – and say sorry if you have to cancel Plan one-on-one time, and if demands eat into that time, express regret and apologise to your spouse. It's the failure to do this that often makes the other person feel unappreciated and overlooked.

5.Don't lose your marriage to the children Set limits on the time and attention you give them, don't allow them to interrupt conversations and remember that you are allowed to set some kind of reasonable limit on their outside activities (i.e. You don't have to spend the entire weekend ferrying them about). Remember, your marriage is the foundation of the family; it's the sun, your children it's planets – not vice versa.

6.Don't overschedule yourself Clubs, committees and volunteer work all have their place, but not if they swallow time that belongs to your spouse. Keep a log of hours away from your spouse and reorganise your priorities if necessary.

7.Don't lose your marriage to TV or the internet Get the TV out of the bedroom and recognise early on that your PC and the internet are powerful absorbers of the individual time and attention that should be spent with your spouse.

8.Don't let friends, family or therapists undermine your marriage Unintentional sabotage is common and dangerous. Comments like “Why are you still there?” and “You deserve better” reflect a consumer view of marriage that may undercut the fact of a couple's intrinsic and enduring affection for each other.